Living Through Adversity
by turtlehoffmann2251
Summary: Yamamoto Takara lived for the happiness of others.


I enjoy happiness.

That said, I don't particularly mean my own. I mean the happiness of others. I would give anything simply to see another person smile.

My Tou-san says that I get that from my mother.

I wouldn't know. She passed away due to illness when I was three years old. The only memories that I have left of her are her smile and the vague memory of a nursery song she used to hum to me when I was sad. I don't know if I wish that I could remember more of her. I love the small bits of her that I do remember, so I suppose that it doesn't really matter.

Tou-san said that the illness that she got was one that was passed to her by one of her patients. She was a nurse. She was the only one that was on duty that day and she didn't realize the severity of the disease until it was too late.

The patient survived.

I'm not sure whether I resent them for that or not. Probably.

My Tou-san loved how caring she was. He always said that she was the most soothing person he knew. He said that he would always love her gentle spirit, her limitless sacrifices for the well being of others.

I modeled myself after her.

My Tou-san says that I take after her in every way. Looks, personality, smile, even gender. I am proud of this. Proud of his love. Proud of myself for my ability to make him smile even after the death of the one woman that he loved more than life itself.

I realized when I saw his pride, that I would do _anything_ to be the kind of person that my mother was.

I can't tell if I succeed or not. I hope so.

Either way, I made sure to be the ever-smiling, loveable, _soothing_ shoulder to cry on.

In a way, I succeeded at that. In another, I failed.

Oh, they definitely leaned on me. They always looked to me, the star athlete with a winning smile, for a friend. They soaked up my attention. They loved being around me.

They didn't love _me._

They weren't my friends. They took what I gave, but not once did they give me anything in return. They weren't my friends. They were my adoring fans. They saw me as untouchable, a Goddess of baseball. They weren't my friends. I was popular. I was a good friend to them. They weren't my friends. I lavished them with attention. I bent to their whims. They weren't my friends.

 _They weren't my friends._

I wasn't good enough.

I gave my everything. I still wasn't good enough.

So I gave more.

And more.

And more.

I gave until I had nothing left to give. Still I squeezed out more.

And more.

And more.

Until I _broke._

Shattered my arm. My heart. My will to live. My very soul.

I wasn't their Baseball Goddess. Oh, absolutely not. I had to work 'til I got where I did.

The Baseball Goddess threw me away.

I was worthless. What use am I to my 'friends' when they can no longer sponge off of my hard won achievements?

I had nothing left.

So, I decided the only thing left for me to do was throw myself away. Everyone else did, so why shouldn't I?

I climbed to the roof of the school, then I climbed over the rickety fence at the edge of the roof.

I didn't expect for anyone to notice. Nor for anyone to care.

While the vast majority noticed, they didn't care. They just stood there, watching, with morbid curiosity practically _wafting_ off of them.

I was too resigned at this point to truly care. It was actually kind of funny, if you looked at it a certain way.

I didn't expect anyone of them to try to talk me down. They didn't. I laughed a little under my breath. Then I steadied myself with a deep breath and prepared myself for the jump.

I didn't get to.

Of all the people to try to talk me down, Dame-Tsuna was the _last_ on my list. Yet he was the only that dared. I guess he wasn't as useless as everyone thought. He was certainly less of a coward than them. And I've seen him cower from a _Chihuahua_ before.

He shouted at me at first. Then he started to quiet down, but I could feel the firmness of his words as he spoke.

He talked, and he talked. He became calmer as he talked, as though this was not the first time he had had to talk someone away from the edge.

When he talked about my father I started to shake. First in shock, then anger, then in guilt.

I _forgot_ about him.

The one who used to tuck me into bed. The one who used to play dress up with me. The one who took me bra shopping even though he was utterly mortified and didn't care when I laughed at him for it. The one who loved me. The one who would miss me. The one who would be devastated if he lost the the only other person he loved.

The one I had lived for.

I smiled bitterly when I realized what I had almost done. Who I had almost hurt.

I think Tsuna noticed what I was thinking when he saw my smile. He held out his hand. I went to climb back over the fence so that I could take it.

Then the fence broke.

When I came to the realization that despite everything I might die anyways I accepted it with a certain sense of understanding. This must be karma, I had thought.

Then I saw Tsuna coming down with me. I grew worried. What was he doing!? He was the only one that cared whether I lived or died in this school! He shouldn't be doing this!

I desperately scrambled through the air towards him, hoping to wrap myself around him and take the brunt of the fall. Despite me being a girl, I was still bigger than him and therefore still able to shield him from the majority of the fall.

Then he caught on fire.

It was _amazing_ and _utterly terrifying_ at the same time.

I'm still am not quite sure how we managed to land safely, but I know that I will never be able to repay him.

So, that day, I swore to myself that I would be the one to sooth away his worries as he had done to mine.

I still don't regret it after all these years. I also came to realize something during my many years with Vongola.

I only enjoy the happiness of those that I love.

Everyone else can go _fuck_ themselves.


End file.
